The Kenshin and Kaoru Cooking Show
by Papercut1
Summary: What if Kenshin and Kaoru would host their very own cooking show? Take a peek at what these two could whip up!


The Kenshin and Kaoru Cooking Show

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki Sama, I'm just a mere lowly creature awed by his Great Creation, so no suing ok?

~*~ hehe, I finally got up and created my first fic ever! Hope you guys enjoy this, ^_^x ~*~ 

**THE KENSHIN AND KAORU COOKING SHOW**

**~Drum roll, a red curtain could be seen, Sano's voice could be heard, only a pitch lower~**

SANO: ...and now, Channel 1056 OroTV presents!.....Cooking with Kenshin and Kaoru!!!!

**~Red curtain is unveiled, Kenshin and Kaoru standing in front of an old-fashioned Japanese studio kitchen~**

**~Applause from the live studio audience~**

KAORU: Make that THE Kaoru and Kenshin cooking show...right Kenshin?

KENSHIN: Ano..ahehe..but the scriptwriter said "The Kenshin and Kaoru cooking show" de gozaru ....

KAORU: ** *Kaoru clenching her fist, gritting her teeth, doing the "I'm gonna punch you position"***

-Then maybe the scriptwriter made a mistake right?! SANOSUKE!

SANO: Are you saying that I'm an incompetent and an incapable scriptwriter! ***runs from the camera to Kaoru, holding and shaking pieces of paper in the air* ** I know what's best for the show! Kenshin should be mentioned first because his cooking is more edible than yours Jo-chan, besides, it would be definitely wrong if the viewers would be mistaken that your the head chef and Kenshin's the apprentice when the level of your cooking skill is lower than a baby's...

**~An explosion could be heard, flying debris could be seen, camera focuses on Sano buried in the wooden wall~**

KENSHIN: Maa, maa Kaoru dono,***both hands raised*** I guess this could be arranged with more peaceful means, ahehehe...

KAORU: ** *Looking at Kenshin with Batousai eyes* ** Then, what do you suggest?

KENSHIN: Ano...eto... well, The Kaoru and Kenshin Cooking show it is....

KAORU: Honto ni? Yipeee!!!***shifts to chibi chibi***

YAHIKO: ** *Behind the camera*** Hey start cooking will ya? We don't have all day!!!

KENSHIN: Oro? Ah, right, let's start the show now, Kaoru dono...

KAORU: Welcome everyone to THE Kaoru and Kenshin Cooking Show! I'm Kaoru..

KENSHIN: ...and I'm Kenshin. Our first dish for today is the Hot Beef Pot, Akabeko Style! Now let's start. First we wash the vegetables...

KAORU: What do I get to do Kenshin?***with puppy eyes***

KENSHIN: ...aah, just a moment Kaoru dono, now we chop the vegetables...

KAORU: Eh, Kenshin, shall I start shredding the cabbages?

KENSHIN: Ieya, Kaoru dono, I have to show the audience how to chop the cabbages in a special way...

So as we chop the cabbages...

KAORU: We boil the stock right?

KENSHIN: Hai, but let me do that, this step needs to be attended in a special way...so now…

KAORU: Then what shall I do then, Kenshin?!***starts boiling again***

KENSHIN: Aah, you cover the pan just as the stock reaches its boiling point...

KAORU: That's it?........***clenching her fist, veins popping out***

KENSHIN: Hai, that's it Kaoru dono, you cover the pan...as I was saying when you boil this make sure that...

**~Kaoru punches Kenshin, Kenshin flies to the other side of the studio wall~**

KENSHIN: OROOOOO!!!!!

KAORU: Baka!!!!!!!

why won't you let me help!!!!

KENSHIN: ** *silent, still shaking, half buried in the studio wall***

KAORU:...and you won't even answer huh? ** *covers face, starts to cry*** huhuhu....'sniff ' ...huhuhuhu...

YAHIKO: Oi Kaoru, the network company said they would cancel the show if this kind of violence continues!

KAORU: Whoops! I guess I got carried away back there ahahahahaha! ***stops crying, transforms to chibi in a split second***

Well, since my ASSISTANT can't continue doing the show for...uh...certain reasons I guess I'll do the rest of the cooking for today eh?

**~Live studio audience seen with sweat drops~**

**~Sano, STILL buried, a sweat drop forms~**

YAHIKO: Nani?! Ano..Kaoru you can't do thi...

KAORU: ** *Batousai eyes flaring at Yahiko's direction***

YAHIKO: ** *looks at Sano, buried.***

** *looks at Kenshin, buried.***

** *gulps***

..uhh..demo... forget I said anything! ahehehe...

KAORU: ** *goes chibi again, very VERY excited*** So let's go on with the show! Now let me see, ah yes! The hot beef pot! Well now that my apprentice has chopped the vegetables a while ago and now that the stock is ready...uhm, well...we dump all the vegetables in the cauldron of boiling stock!!!

**~Dumps the veggies carelessly~**

** ~SPLASH!!!!FHOOOMMM!!!~**

** *Looks at a paper with the recipe written on it, mumbles...***It says hear to add 1 tbsp of salt and 1 tbsp of pepper...how do you put salt and pepper in a tablespoon from a shaker?..My,my this is hard...

ONE OF THE STUDIO AUDIENCE: Hey, what comes next!!!!

KAORU: Oh! Ahahaha....ah yes, we add a tbsp of salt...

**~Shakes the saltshaker violently in the cauldron, shaker cover falls off, all of the salt from the shaker falls in the soup...~**

Uh...Ahahaha...that is ok everyone....ok...ahehe, a LITTLE extra salt won't really affect this soup ahahaha..***swiftly gets a ladle and stirs vigorously*** now lets mix all these together to uh...haha...incorporate the salt...haha....

**~Live studio audience sweat drops~**

YAHIKO: ** *slaps forehead with the palm of his hand***

KAORU: Now..**.*looks at the recipe, written in it are the words "sauté beef"***

***mumbles again*** ....What in the world does sauté mean?saute..saute..sau..

***The oven catches her eye*** Aha!

Ok, um, the next step is to BAKE the beef in the oven at, uh, 600 degrees celsius!

**~ Sano, regaining consciousness ~**

SANO: Bake?...ow my head....

***Kaoru places firewood in the oven, oven fumes violently and dangerously***

KAORU: Ah, I think the temperature is just right. Demo, we have to make sure that this is the right cooking temperature so we have to test it...let's see…what could I place in here to test if it is hot enough?

**~Live studio audience's eyes swells~**

KAORU: Oh! Now there's a good sampler!

**~Kaoru spots Shishio Makoto with Yumi in the live studio audience~**

KAORU: ***runs towards Shishio*** Hi, I need a studio volunteer! ** *grabs Shishio in the arm, holding very tight, drags his helpless body to the kitchen***

SHISHIO: Na-nani? What are you doing?

YUMI: ** *startled*** What are you doing to my Shishio Sama!

KAORU: ** *does a throwing stance* **

It's called, Combustion! 

**~throws Shishio, helpless and confused , in the hearth~**

**~oven fumes and shakes even more violently~**

SHISHIO: aaaaahhhh!!!

YUMI: aaaaahhhh!!!

KAORU: yosha!!!

**~Live studio audience's eyes bulge even more, horrified with what just happened~**

SANO: ba..bake?

YAHIKO: ** *shocked***

KENSHIN: ** *unconscious***

KAORU: Shishio, are you burning inside?

SHISHIO: ** *dead***

YUMI: aaaaaaccckkkkk!!!!

SANO: Bake?

KAORU: He's not answering, well I guess the temperature is just right! Now, I'll place the beef inside the oven

AUDIENCE: urk!!!

**~some of the studio audience vomits~**

YUMI: ** *fumes with fury*** Yu...yurosinai! shiinneee!!!

**~grabs a kitchen knife, runs toward Kaoru~**

KAORU: aahhhhh!!!!

KENSHIN: Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Doryuseennn!!!!

**~strikes Yumi~**

YUMI: aaaahhh!!! ** *collapses in the floor***

KAORU: ** *goes chibi again*** oh Kenshin!! Kenshin!!!

KENSHIN: Kaoru dono, daijobu ka?

KAORU: oh Kenshin!..............Kenshin...............Kenshin................. Baka no Kenshin! (grips Kenshin in the neck)

KENSHIN: oroooooooo!

KAORU: You should have let me help you a while ago! 

KENSHIN: Gomen, gomen, Kaoru dono…

KAORU: Ok, I forgive you! I am almost finished with the beef pot!

**~Oven fumes, black smoke bursts in the oven door~**

KAORU: Oh, my beef!

***Gets the very black beef out***

KAORU: It looks great! No Kenshin?

KENSHIN: A..ano....

SANO: YOU BAKED THE BEEF!!!! DOUSHITE!!!DOUSHITE!!!!

KAORU: ** *ignores sano*** Well it looks, and smells wonderful!

YAHIKO: It looks and smells horrible. 

**~ explosion, Yahiko's face covered with kitchen utensils~**

KAORU: And look! A very crispy part of the beef is sticking out! 

***pulls that part of the beef, and takes a bite***

Wow!!! Tastes really great!!! Very crispy!!

SANO: Jo chan, I don't think that's cow's meat…

KAORU: ** *chewing, holding the half of the part of the beef on one hand*** Nani?

SANO: ..looks like a crispy, burnt, finger. to me..

KAORU: Aaaaccckkkk!!!! ** *stops chewing, eyes bulge***

** *cough, cough***

SANO: Who, in her right mind, would put a human inside an oven to test it! Bakaaa!

KAORU: You criticize my cooking!!!!!!

***punches Sano again, Sano flies in the studio wall***

YUMI: Shishio Sama.... Shishio Sama....

**~everyone looks at Yumi~**

YUMI: I'll go wherever you go Shishio Sama!!! Let me join you!!! My heart burns for you!!!

** *runs toward the oven, goes inside the oven***

**~everyone's eyes bulge~**

YUMI: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

KENSHIN: Orooroooo!!!

YUMI: ** *dead***

YAHIKO: Poor Yumi, got killed for Shishio for the second time...

SANO: ** *rises from the wall, two bumps swell in his head***

No!! Poor Shishio! Got burned for the THIRD time....

HOUJI: ** *appears out of nowhere***

Shishio sama!!! I can't accept this, they turned you into...into...into a garnish?!!!!!

KENSHIN: Uh, oh!!!

HOUJI: Ahahahhahahahaha!!!ahahahahaha!!!ahahahahaha!!!! ** *runs inside the oven***

ahahahaha!!!

***everyone shocked***

KENSHIN: 3 people in one day! That oven sure is durable de gozaru...

YAHIKO: Hai, and considering that it is Kaoru who used that oven, it's a miracle that it could still stand...

KAORU: ** *clenched fist*** Shut your mouth Yahiko!

KENSHIN: Maa, maa minna! Let's go on with the show now....

KAORU: Oh right! I'll just place this beef in our soup, and it's done!

SANO: Uhahaha, noooo, no way I'm going to eat that beef pot! No!

YAHIKO: I told you it was a bad idea to let Kaoru join this show! Now look what happened! 

SANO: Ah, don't blame me, it was Kenshin who forced me to let Kaoru host this show!

YAHIKO: ...and you didn't even refuse? Tori Atama!!!

SANO: Don't call me rooster head!!!

YAHIKO:..Oh ur just scared of Kenshin coz he beat the living daylights of your ass once eh?!

SANO: Nani!!!!!!

YAHIKO: hahahaha!!!!

SANO: I'm not scared with anybody!

YAHIKO: Oh yeah?!

SANO: Oh yeah!!!

KENSHIN: Maa, maa! ** *hands raised* **

SANO: I didn't refuse coz he said I get to eat the finished products after the show!!

YAHIKO: Baka!!! Pig!!! Didn't you even foresee that if Kaoru gets to cook the finished products would be inedible!!!

SANO: What can I do!!! I was blinded by different images of food playing in my mind at that time!!!

KAORU: Huhuhuhu ** *sniff*** ju..just tell me you don't want me in this show!!

KENSHIN: O..orooo, ah...ano...Kaoru dono...

KAORU: Huhuhu... ** *sniff*** huhuhu.... you won't even appreciate the things that I do for you...

**~Yahiko, Sano, Kenshin sweat drops~**

SANO: Ano...Jo chan...

KAORU: I guess a..I'm ** *sniff*** not needed anymore!!! Huhuhu! There's only one thing left for me to do....

**~Kaoru walks toward the oven~**

KENSHIN, SANO, YAHIKO: Kaoru!!!

YAHIKO: Go ahead, kill yourself! I bet when you're dead Kenshin would be free and be able to find a new lover!

SANO: a new lover?! ** *grins***

YAHIKO: that's right! a new lover! hotter, prettier, SEXIER!!!!!!!!

SANO: ...and a better cook too!!

YAHIKO: better than you, or the T girl....

SANO: the T girl?

YAHIKO: Hai, the T girl! I can't quite remember her full name though....

KENSHIN: A..ano, how did you kno....

YAHIKO: whoops! Gomenasai!! It's just that I bought the OVA last week ahehehe...

SANO: ova? ** *puzzled* ** what in the world is an...ova?

KAORU: ** *raises her head, eyes bulge in a split second, turns chibi***

Demo, like what Kenshin always say to suicidals, it takes true courage to live! ahahahaha!!

ahahah..a..I'm just kidding can't you guys take a joke?! looks like I got you there!ahahahaha!(punches own face lightly) baka, baka, baka no Kaoru! ahahaha!!!! 

**~sweat drop forms at everyone~**

KAORU: aherm...um...what an exciting show we had today! so educational!!!

AUDIENCE: boo!!

KAORU: so, see you next time where we get to cook even more special dishes, same Oro time, same Oro

network!! right Kenshin?

KENSHIN: aa..ano...Hai, de gozaru!

* END ^__^x ' *

notes:some Japanese words used in this fanfic:

dono – Kenshin's trademark.An archaic way of saying Mr. and Ms.

Sama – equivalent to "great one" when tagged at the end of a person's name

Ano – that.Notice how Kenshin would always begin his unfinished sentences with "ano…"?

Honto – really?

Ieya – no

Hai – of course all of you guys no this right? Yes!

Baka – stupid or idiot

Jo-chan – Sano's pet name to Kaoru.It means "little girl"

Nani – what

Yurosinai – I'm not sure with the spelling of this one, but it means "unforgivable".

Shi-ne – it means "kill" or "die"

Gomen – sorry.A more formal equivalent of this is Gomenasai.

Demo – but

Yosha- "yes!" or "alright!"

Oro – need I say more? ^__^x!


End file.
